误机有感

Just need 20 more minutes to catch my flight. But I didn't have it. I missed my flight to Amsterdam. I didn't feel that sad but start to think about 1 question: how many mistakes did I made in my life that just because I was too careless? Sometimes the prices of correct mistakes are really high. But it's ok. I learn from "mistakes". It's all experience. If I sense them from a different perspective, it will always be good. If it never had been bad, I won't know what is good. Like my marriage. If I had never have it, I won't know the importance of being free. I like my life. I have to. But I don't like my life in big cities. Last week in Guangzhou, this week in Beijing. Running up and down for performances. They are so big that I'm very easy to get lost. Like now, if I look up, I saw all those busy people are moving. Their legs are busy in running through the security check. Their arms are busy in pushing their belongings. Their months are busy in talking either loudly or through their phones. Their fingers are busy in typing their words to another world. I talked to a teacher yesterday. She is such beautiful dancer, a brave woman. She told me that the most important thing is the inner peace from her heart. I agree. Now I'm going to close my eyes and ears and reading this lovely book for 12 hours. That's what I earn from this flight-missing mistake. 差二十分钟。我到的时候舱门已经关闭了。重买机票的费用没得报销。我开始责备自己。这已经是第几次误机了？这次吸取教训了吗？粗心的毛病总会被惨痛的代价改正的。跟朋友打电话诉苦。朋友说，＂你是要在国际航班上哭，人家还有在马路边蹲着哭的！＂我不是觉得损失金钱不幸，是开始反思一个问题。 我的人生中，有多少次是稍许疏忽造成大错？不止一次。当然错误也是好的，不然我意识不到正确究竟有多好。反正都是经历。 大家狠狠笑话我这个笨蛋吧。 两周的大城市生活，让我的孤独感积累到极致。今天终于要离开。如果继续，我不知道还能坚持多久。我努力寻找让我感到孤独的原因。这里有很好的、年长的朋友陪我聊天；有新的编导让我学习；有很认真的舞蹈搭档。但是我很不快乐，很没有安全感。 也许是因为之前的四个星期，没有自己独处、安静的机会？ 因为每天要来来回回准备演出、看演出、见新的人？ 因为我害怕各种噪音？ 就像现在，我一抬头，所有的人都在动，大家都很忙。胳膊忙着推行李，腿忙着过安检，手指忙着敲键盘，双唇忙着大声或者小声嚷嚷。我想让他们安静。因为他们的忙碌，让我的危机感毫无理由的＂被产生＂。 我在想，我要停止这样的生活。这不是我生活的目的。如果有选择。 朋友说，＂很多时候确实没有选择。那怎么办？还不是得好好活着？＂那我就选择坦然接受一切吧。昨天与一位良师益友聊天。她说，她认为人生最重要的，是内心的平静。我知道。我曾经平静过。我也如果能做到这一点，无论发生什么事情自己都会很快乐。但是在这么大的城市生活，我很容易把自己弄丢了。 刚刚一阵轰动，一群人轰炸式的跑过。我还以为一群人跟我似的就要误机。再仔细看他们拿着相机。粉丝吧。这么玩儿命的追。也许通过追逐别人能找到自己的存在？ 好了，我现在有12个小时，寻求自己内心平静的时间。我把耳朵和眼睛都关上了。我用心看会儿书。

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